goodness....

God has everything undercontrol right? yeahh... thats what i thought. WHY IS THIS SO HARD... when i start to trust him then i feel my life is going out of control. but hes supposed to make sure it goes alright.. i swear... this is hard.
thats it for tonight. im a tad frustrated. and stressedddd


peaceeeeeeeeeeee

im on the brink

im on the brink of breaking down thats forsure! several things CRAZY going on in my life.
the boyfriend is now a full member of the Leciester Fire Department. YAY him! im so proud of him. Hes taking EMT classes two nights a week and i am so proud to be a firefighter/emt girlfriend :). I think hes starting to realize that its gonna be very hard not seeing me..and slowly im realizing it too. were about to go a week without seeing each other and its gonna be very hard! hes the love of my life and i dont know what i would do without him. I know ive said that before.. but this time i mean it... its hard to go on without him. i pray everynight God doesnt take him out of my life. God has a plan for us. thats forsure. we just have to trust his plan.
Report Cards are coming out this week and im nervous. i dont know how i did. Im surely hoping that I did okay. but this semester my goal is to make straight A's at least one six weeks. I know my parents would be proud. Im stressing so much... i dont even know why.. im stressing over the little things these day and it SUCKS!!!!! any advise anyonee.. i know breathe and trust God. he will take care of everything. I needed to vent. goodthing I have this thing...

the man in my life.

My boyfriend is Ben. He goes to Erwin. Hes graduating January 25th. Im scared for when he leaves. but I know that God has a plan for him and I and I have a good feeling about it :). Ben has taught me about who I am and where I want to go with my life. Most older folks say.. you dont know what real love is.. i find that hard to believe. I know what real love is.. its when im sick he stays up worrying about me. Its when my grandfather dies he offers to come just to be with me and be my shoulder to cry on. Its when I turn my phone on I have a text saying " Hey baby I just wanted to tell you I cant stop thinking about you". Its when we always have to make up before we go to bed. Its when I cry at the thought of him leaving for school. Its the thought of when we dont get to see each other we seem to grow closer. Its when we meet each others families, we fit right in. Its when my grandmothers "hand-trick" works. ( she always told me, the one im supposed to be with.. my hand would just fit with his) Its when we dream about the day we wont have to say goodnight over the phone. Its dreaming about the day when we share the bed and share our lives with each other forever and always. Its worrying about him when he goes on a fire call(hes a fire fighter and emt :) ). Its when I get butterflies whenever he walks through the door.

I could go on forever about the things I love about him.

This man has changed my life.. Ive said that about other guys.. but this one has made me stop some dangerous things. He has made me realize things about myself that I never would have learned otherwise. He has taught me how to have confidence in myself and in the woman I want to grow to be. He has a faith that AMAZES me. He trusts God more than anyone Ive ever met. He has morals that Ive never seen someone his age have the commitment to fufill and wish to honnor.